Do you think you are in a good relationship? To find that out, ask yourself the following questions:
- Have I changed things about myself to please them?
- Does my partner put me down (verbally) in front of others?
- While my partner constantly says he/she loves me, do their actions back it up?
- Is my partner controlling – reading my mail or "showing up" at places just to "check up" on me?
My friend Jenny did not realize she was in a bad relationship until she answered these questions. She informed me that her boyfriend was making her depend on him for everything, starting from what to buy while shopping to whether she can go to her friend's engagement party or not. He was trying to take control of everything.
I observed changes in Jenny's behavior few months ago. She would postpone or cancel our meeting plans, would not call me or take my calls. I was getting anxious as our friendship was going down south. Finally we met up and I asked her the above questions. That was an eye opener for her. Without realizing, she was slipping in a toxic relationship.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they've sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.
First step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
I understood that Jenny needed help. I got her the copy of The Magic of Making up and asked her to follow the steps listed in the guide and see if her relationship could be improved.
Jenny read The Magic of Making Up guide and was surprised to find out that she had choices. The next step was to start standing up for herself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
If you don't get what you need, the other person should know that you're prepared to walk.
I am happy to inform that Jenny's relationship took a new turn, and in a positive direction. She made her boyfriend realize that she does not depend on him for everything. At times, she needs her space and time for herself. She thanks me till date how I was able to see through her relationship woes and helped renew their relationship bond.
The Magic of Making Up can go a long way, if you decide to give your relationship a new start. You have to decide for yourself if the relationship can be improved or you are willing to walk away.